Saturday, January 5, 2013

The Skills of Duke Nukem



Alright, ladies, hopefully by now the Duke Nukem workout is putting some hair on your chest, so you're ready to learn the skills of the king.  Don't worry, we'll burn all that hair off soon enough.

Jet Packs

Let's start off by saying jet packs are freaking sweet.  Besides the fact that they let you fly, they're also basically channeling the fury of a fiery, sun-like explosion through tiny nozzles, strapped directly to your back.  MANLY AS F$&*!  Also, jet packs actually exist in the real world, although we're going to take a look into how actually functional they are, with a tour through history.

Himmelst├╝rmer 
The German Sky Stormer was the first jetpack ever really manufactured in modern times(world war 2).  It ran off of pulse jets, and was intended to get German engineers past barbed wire and mine fields.  The device worked pretty well for its purpose, enabling users to make "jumps" of 150 feet or more, but it didn't grant true "flight," or see much actual combat usage.

Jump Belt AKA Project Grasshopper
Serving basically the same purpose as the Sky Stormer, the Jump Belt/Project Grasshopped used compressed nitrogen instead of pulse jet rockets, and enabled the user to make seven meter high jumps, or run at speeds upward of 40 kMPH.  No true flight, though

Hydrogen-Peroxide Rocket Packs
Several companies manufactured different versions of this jet pack, which uses nearly pure hydrogen peroxide, and a catlyst(usually silver), to grant the user sustained flight.  Unfortunately, fuel capacity of your average human only enables flight for thirty to forty-five seconds, but this is still the first commercially successful jet pack, seen at public sporting events, and in a James Bond movie.

Other Notable Attempts
There are several other personal flight devices in existence.  One is Yves Rossy's winged jetsuit, pretty damn cool, but has to be launched from something already in flight, and isn't capable of vertical takeoff.  Then there's The Jetlev, also cool, but it requires a tether, and it's water powered so...  There's also multiple models of back-mounted helicopter in development, but, these unfortunately haven't hit the market yet, though they offer the best hope for sustained, personal flight devices.

Unfortunately, the dream of a sustained jetpack flight is still beyond us mere mortals.  The back-mounted helicopter market is still an option, however, so don't get your panties in a twist.

Guns and Explosions

Hell.  Yeah.  Nothin manlier than some big-ass guns and explosions.  That's what the Duke is all about, baby.  For the guns, the gun market is always volatile, and currently, if you're in the US, a showdown seems to be brewing over gun control.  Without entering into that debate, let's look at what options we have.

We have, before, talked about sport shooting ranges.  These are always an option, you can typically find them online, they exist in most locations, and heck, it's a lot cheaper than buying a bunch of guns for yourself.  You can usually go down and try out a whole bunch of fun, exotic guns for a fair price, with trained professionals in a safe environment.  To step out of character here for a moment, safety first, always, when it comes to guns AND explosives.  It's not cool to risk yours, or anyone elses, life.  Period.

Speaking of explosives, what's a person to do to get your BOOM BOOM fix?  No, not that boom boom, this boom boom! Well, unless you're a trained demolitions guy in the military, you're probably not going to get that kind of boom boom fix anytime soon.  At least not on that scale.  However, there's always fireworks(assuming they're legal in your area).  Honestly, an M80 can provide plenty of explosive fun, provided you're safe about it...  And again, safety first.  You don't want to end up blowing your hand off.

The Mighty Boot

The Mighty Boot.  Duke's signature melee attack.  Capable of stunning, damaging, and even beheading foes.  Of course, you can't just strap on some steel-toes and go swinging for the hills.  Hell no.  For a kick this epic, you need technique.

For a driving power-kick, you want to bring your knee up straight in front of you, high and tight to your
body, bending it in the process.  Then, drive your foot straight forward, pushing out with the heel of your foot, with your food held vertical.  This will drive your target back, and striking with the heel means you have maximum force focused in a small area(more power!).

For a devastating point kick, you first need to be wearing your steel-toes(or you're gonna break your damn toes).  Then, you want to lift your knee up, bending it and bringing your foot back as far as you can(try and get your heel to your ass).  Point your knees towards your target, and unload your shoe, striking as hard as you can with your steel toes.  Try to do this all in one fluid motion, and remember, the knee points to the target!


There you go, all of Duke's signature style packed into one testosterone-fueld manpost.  Enjoy!  Tomorrow's our last post, with The Swagger of Duke Nukem. Unless you're not going to check it out, in which case, I gotta know, what are you? Some bottom-feeding, scum-sucking algae eater?  Just kidding.  See you tomorrow!  And until then, remember to follow me on Twitter,  like the blog page on Facebook, hit up the Tumblr, and continue to be awesome!


Dan "DaRatmastah" Wallace

No comments:

Post a Comment